★As Midnight Strikes★

As midnight strikes.

I will be done with this play.

I will move on, to something else.

Another scene of acts, everyday.

Leaving pre-teen. Going on to teenager.

Lets take a look at my reviews..shall we?

1st Play(1-3) ~☻ ☻ ☻ 3/5 Smiles.

I cant exactly blame them, that was the time for me to be a whiny baby.

2ND Play(4-7)~ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ 4/5 Smiles.

I guess thats OK, I wasn't exactly the one to talk, I guess when your voice is never heard, you stop believing that you are able to speak.

3rd Play(8-11)~ ☻ ☻ 2/5 Smiles.

I didn't expect from myself, I guess thats how I ended up disappointing more than myself.

Currently(11-12)~ ☻ ☻ ☻ 3/5 Smiles.

Sigh. The time where I realize tears occur in my life more than they should. Where scars show mistakes, I've made so many. Just a disappointment, don't even know where to go next, what to do next. Sigh.

I'm scared, what if I fail. What if in this act I don't even get half of a smile. I'm just scared. I don't know how to act for my next play. So many thoughts going through my mind. Should I act happy, continue what I've been doing most of my life and during daily intermission, I just cry and act away my true feelings. Or should I just stop the show forever and act as the girl I've always been. Never mind. I would never expose the world of the girl who just darkens everyday, and hides it by pretending to smile.

Sigh.

Black Roses @-->-->---

What is black?

Is really a symbol of death, and hate, as well a evil?

Or does it mean something more?

Something special.

Everything is Unique.

And special.

Everything is different.

Its hard to spot someone who is eternally beautiful.

And truly special.

Thats why, along with someone who is true to themselves and life, you can never spot...a black rose.

Tears In A Star**

My tears fall with passion.

Like tears conceived from stars.

Full of brightness & energy.

Seen only from afar.

Tomorrow these tears shall

be full of pain.

But I can also feel relief from my heart.

Because the stigma is revealed,

unfaithful, and UN-forgiven.

I cannot let this be,

so I must be pure...

To only myself....for eternity.

Don't Think You're That Special, Hun.

I've stayed quiet and gotten distracted from your crap long enough.

You've had you're fun.

You've told your 80 stories.

You wouldn't let me talk when my voice was ready to explode.

You've caused me to make this post.

You've done what you think you are able to do.

You think you have power and popularity.

You think alot of things that are deeply incorrect actually.

And if you're reading this, and thing that I'm wasting my time on you,

Don't think your that special,

Hun.

Just Leave Me Alone

Do I look like I wanna talk,

if I do,

I'm sorry for misleading you.

Don't call me.

Don't speak to me.

Don't try to make feel better.

-JUST LEAVE ME ALONE-

The Word Depression

No one is happy all of the time, but some people feel as if they can never find happiness. Some people feel as if their entire life is devoted to nothing but pain and hurt and loneliness. Every day is a struggle, and every breath a fight for survival. These people have a deep understanding of the word Depression.

Smiles

I'm in pain when I smile.

My laugh lines show depression.

As my lips crack, so does my heart.

I'm in pain when I smile.

Dry Tear

Has there ever been a time where...

Where you too weak to wipe your tears, off you face?

Where your head is paralyzed into the position where the only thing you are able to see is your knees, growing weak

Where your hands cant move because you arm is tired of a blade ripping through it?

Where nothing you can do is cry and cry, but not have the energy to wipe the tears away?

Of course you have, you've let that little piece of sadness shrivel into your soul. If you have, you have had * A Dry Tear

Be There. For Me.

Only you are able to make my darkness bright

Only you are able to fill my heart with light.

Your in my thoughts,

but never in my sight

without you,

I'm too weak to win this fight

MY WINGS

I have my wings.

Watch me crash as I try to fly.

I have my wings.

Looking In The Mirror

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!! I HATE YOU. YOU RUIN EVERYONES LIFE!GO TO HELL. YOU MAKE MY LIFE A GREAT MISERY, AND I HOPE YOU DIE. YOUR JUST WASTE OF TIME, SPACE, AND MONEY! YOU DON'T MATTER. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT. MY GOD, YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME YOU BITCH. DON'T EVEN BOTHER COMING NEAR ME ANYMORE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH! YOU-" Then my mom knocks on the door telling me to get out of the bathroom. I sigh and look at my self in the mirror one last time, wondering why it hasn't shattered to pieces. And then, I walk out the door finished with my morning regiment.

The Sparkle In Your Eyes

SHINY!!

I get distracted from the shine.

I see magical wonders.

I feel as if I am floating in a pool of love.

Looking into those two perfect wonders, I float away from reality; I fly away from reality, dreaming of what can become.

The fact is, your eyes, are my escape zone, I must have a glimpse of them always, in order to stay true to this world.

You Can...But I Don't Give A Shit

You can yell at me.

BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

You threaten to take away all my freedoms you mother-fucking bitch.

BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

You can threaten to beat me.

BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Go To Mother-Fucking Hell You Son Of A Bitch Just Because You Happen To Know Things, Dosent mean you Know What Best

Your Heart Is The Thing That Leaves Me.

Friends don't go away, there love does.

They may leave you to go somewhere else, but the thing you'll miss the most is being able to see them everyday.

You'll miss hearing there loud voice, and their annoying laugh.

You'll miss their lame disses.

And how there always mean to you.

They might be gone, but their love is what you will miss.

Their care, and a little piece of you actually goes missing.

He Hurts My Heart.

He hurts me as he loves me.

When I see those eyes, and that smile.

I die a little inside.

Knowing that he'll never be truly mind.

I'm so selfish.

I refuse to share him.

I wont let it happen.

I wont let him be the cause of my tears rather than the smile on my face.

Or the depression in my eyes rather than the joy in my laughter.

I refuse, I absolutely refuse.

Why Do You Taunt Me?

Why do you taunt me?

Why do you insist on doing it everyday?

With your pretty hair and beautiful skin.

Why?

Did I ask you if I wanted to see face everyday?

Hear your graceful voice?

ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

I HATE YOU.

GO TO MOTHER-FUCKING HELL!!

just.....GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND MY LIFE!!!

The Ugly Duckling

I AM..THE UGLY DUCKLING.

I am the one no one wishes to look at, including myself.

I am the one, who is scared of their own reflection.

Me.

Answer me this, will I ever turn into that graceful swan everyone admires, or will I just stay the way I am; ugly and dreadful, something no one wishes to love?

My feathers are starting to pale and become disgusting.

My beak, is as horrid as can be.

My wings are the things that are preventing my from flying.

My webbed feet, they are the part of my day where I have to look past my fat belly, and frown at.

Nothing about me is beautiful. Not my my loud quacks. Not my dead eyes. Nor my pale and dirty feathers. Not my fat body. My ugly feet. Nothing.

I AM THE UGLY DUCKLING. But will I ever turn into that swan? Or will I just remain the horrible, fat and ugly thing I am. But soon, with no one else to comfort me as I frown upon myself

"WHY?"

"WHY?"

I keep telling myself not to do things. And keep on doing what pains me. Why is it that I listen to almost everyone else, but myself.

Its as if theres one side of me that says:

"You know the right thing." And I do know what the right thing was. I just cant seem to listen,

"WHY?"

And then there another voice in my head saying:

"DO WHAT THE FUCK I SAY AND DEAL WITH THE MISERY!!!"

"WHY?"

why do I keep on litsening to that voice.

"WHY?"

Ugh.

I hate myself for being so stupid, why do I insist on making my life a living hell.

GOD.

Confused...

I'm just confused about life. There are just so many thoughts racing through my head. Its getting hard for me to keep track of my own life.

I feel a whirlpool of emotions in my heart.

A waterfall of worries is streaming through my head.

I'm getting lost. Lost in the desert of misery. Looking for happiness. I feel depression has won the war. I honestly don't know what to feel at this moment.

Should I feel happy, so everyone around me can see me as I want them to?

Should I feel mad, just at life for my hardships?

Should I be sad, in order to get rid of my tears to make room for more that will quickly come?

Should I even be myself? Fuck, I do even know who I am.

Should there be an end to this misery? Can there be an end to this misery? Will the cruel joke of life ever be over for me? Should I just be like many and run away?

If I were to run a way, there is something I fear. After escaping the land of depression, will life just hit me with more horror?

So many questions, I'm just wondering if I'll ever be able to find the answers. Or will I just drown in my own river polluted with tears, hate, anger, and everything evil.